dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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