we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
