It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
