well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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