I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
