I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
