He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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