i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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