I showed him my bush... on skype.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
