apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
