She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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