You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
