that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
