Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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