No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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