Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
