Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
