why didn't you poke me back
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
