I could make wine with my vomit
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
