Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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