what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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