I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
