btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize