why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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