Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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