Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
