i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
