Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
