She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
