spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
