I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
