STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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