Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you never un-have a 4some
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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