I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
