i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
