Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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