then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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