Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
