P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
