I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
