Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
