The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
