She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize