shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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