We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
