walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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