You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize