First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
