Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
