Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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