White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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