New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
