Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
