Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
