my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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