So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
