I accidentally had phone sex last night
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
