Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize