the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Im part way to drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
