I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
