I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
