Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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