So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
