it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think people are normalizing furries
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize