Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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