sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
