Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
