She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize