dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize