Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
