mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
