Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize