bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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