Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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