My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
