Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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