are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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