he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
