How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
