Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
