So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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