she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
