Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
