why do cheetos always look like penises
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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