The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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