smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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