at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
