The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we're so committed to being not committed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
